Nation’s Group Chats Brace for Another Weekend of Unanswered Dinner Plans

Forecasters at the National Social Calendar Service issued an advisory Friday warning that millions of group chats would again see heavy accumulations of enthusiasm with little to no follow-through.

“We’re tracking a large system of ‘omg yes’ moving in from the coasts,” said one meteorologist, pointing to a map shaded in shades of thumbs-up emoji. “Unfortunately, it looks like it will stall before anyone proposes a time.”

Officials recommended that residents stock up on vague availability, keep a reliable excuse within reach, and never, under any circumstances, be the one who suggests a specific restaurant.